i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
