If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is Oprah even human
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
