apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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