I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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