Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
