dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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