Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
