U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
