I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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