so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
