you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
