Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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