I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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