So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Do vagina's smell?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
