I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have fence marks all over my body
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
