Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
