You smell like a Billy Joel song
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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