awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize