3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
