All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
