i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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