I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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