I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She announced her abortion via fbk
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
