yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize