hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
