dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
