I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
