P.S. I can't hear my feet
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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