I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize