saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
