4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
