Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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