i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
