I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
