i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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