Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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