You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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