i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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