This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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