My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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