i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
