Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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