I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
