conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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