he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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