Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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