it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
