he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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