New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
