I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
