Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
