Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
