just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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