I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My dick has a subreddit
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
