You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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