so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
