The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Sorry about my life...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize