took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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