The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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