don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
