Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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