with your own penis?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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