Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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