My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
