Apparently you make a good broom.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
