I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
