I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
