Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I fill condoms, not promises.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
