I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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