There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
