thus making me awesome and them whores
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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