..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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