I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
