dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
